Thursday, November 10, 2016

4 Ways to Make a Stand and Keep Your FB Friends

This month the voters voted and the topic for my coaching business group on FB is Mature UP: Speech, Love, Conduct and Faith; the topic of this blog post.
Come follow and Level Up.
Search: Christian Life Coach Connection and ask to join.

On October 9th, I challenged myself to stay off my personal Facebook page until the election was over. I'm happy to say I achieved that challenge. 

Now that I have returned, I realize the benefits that I received while being off my personal page. In only three days, I have given back almost all of those benefits in return for seeing hate, hearing lies, showing disrespect, and basically being spit on because I am who God made me to be. I realize, if I thought everyone was going to come together and sing kumbaya, I was delusional. However, I am shocked at some people’s post. Why does it shock me? If the overflow of heart is spoken through the mouth (Luke 6:45), then what fills the mind is posted on Facebook. Problem is, apparently more crap goes into the mind than good or, surely there would be more good coming out, but that is not what I see.

So the question becomes: How can you feel like you are standing up for your beliefs and values if you don’t post them and share them on Facebook or other social media outlets? Where would I share? How will anyone know?

For me, it all comes down to this: the words I use and where I use them. The words are an overflow of my heart and are an overflow of what I put into my mind. The words I use show the values I possess. And, the words I DON’T use show the values I possess. What I allow to slip out of my mouth or flow onto a page shows my heart condition. My words are in direct proportion to the maturity I possess in my heart in speech, love, conduct and faith. 



I don’t care who you voted for. I don’t care what group you align with. Both are not perfect. Both have evil elements. Both have redeeming qualities. The point is NOT which party you like, which denomination you attend, if you homeschool or don’t, it’s not about WHAT you believe…It is about how you handle your belief in speech, love, conduct and faith. You can't impeach everyone who has a different view...that would be everyone in some area.

Everyone has experiences that shape their core values and beliefs. I was adopted. Because of my experience, you cannot possibly understand how I feel about some things because you do not have that experience in your life. Does that make me wrong? No. Does that make you right? No. It just makes us different. 

My experiences are not yours and your experiences are not mine. We can’t fully understand one another because we haven’t experiences the same things that shape our beliefs and core values. The best we can do for our family and friends  and perfect strangers on social media is to respect them, agree to disagree and don’t demand our ‘rights’ thinking ours is the only right way. (Guess what? Any post lately, I could change the name to the opposite candidate and, because of experiences and what I fill my mind up with, it would be just as true….for me. Try it!) 

For example, I wrote a post about voting and how much of a privilege it is. Women in 1917 bled, suffered, got put in jail, and pretty much tortured for MY right to vote. Black men has a similar experience. IMPORTANT: The value I hold and tried to convey was how important it is to honor those who paved the way for my right to vote, NOT who to vote for. 

So, how can you stand up for your values and at the same time not make them public on social media? The problem lies in the fact that you think social media, that involves the masses, is the only way you can make a stand. Let’s think smaller.


  1. SPEECH: How to stand up for your values by using your speech. Your speech shows the value you place on people different than you. If you use words like stupid and ignorant, the value you show from your heart is that you are the measuring line everyone should aspire to and be weighed by. You are judging everyone based on your experiences not respecting the fact that everyone else in the world has different experiences than you. No one ever came to the other side while having rocks thrown at them. Fill your speech with respect. You can still disagree. Imagine what value you are showing in your own home with your family when you show respect with those you disagree with. Only people with a high degree of maturity can fill their speech with respect while totally disagreeing. I had a two week conversation with an Atheist via FB. He was respectful, I was respectful. He asked questions, I asked questions. I hope he though, “Wow, that is what Jesus should look like. Not that hate and rage and damnation I usually get.” 

  1. LOVE: How can you stand up for our values by using your love? Your love shows the values you place on people different than you. Love is defined with words like affection, kinship, admiration, benevolence and devotion. Imagine the value you show your kids when you show love to a difficult teacher, someone who gossiped about you, someone who cuts you off in traffic or your spouse who hurt you. Imagine the damage when you show hate…the opposite of love. Hate breeds hate. Love breeds love. The one you feed grows.

  1. CONDUCT: How do you stand up for your values in your conduct? I was once on a committee and, in the laws and regulations, I had to propose a program for its approval. I was told by someone on the committee that proposing it was not necessary, it was a good program and just go do it. I firmly said that was not the procedure and flipped in my binder to the actually rule. I was told again that it didn’t matter to which I responded RESPECTFULLY, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can put me on the agenda or I can wait until the end for New Business to bring it up.” What value was I showing? My value of following the rules and not wanting any committee member to be caught off guard with questions about abstinence being taught at school. I also had a value of not getting pushed aside for someone’s lack of planning. My conduct was respectful, and to the point. Ya know, every time I saw this person after that, I got a hug and a very genuine conversation about how I was doing. My respectful conduct and speech gained me respect in return. What if my conduct would have been rude and overbearing and ugly?
  2. FAITH: How do you stand up for your values in your faith? For one, always see the positive. You can always focus on the good. Faith with a pessimistic attitude just does not match. Have you ever seen anyone who is constantly negative and faith-filled at the same time. I haven’t. Faith is trusting without evidence. Many scientist never attain this FREEING CONTENTMENT because they are like Thomas and have to have evidence. Faith shows those around you that no matter what happens in the world, in your town, in your community, on your street or in your house, you rely on something higher to take care of it.

I’m so saddened that so many people use social media in a negative way. There are some who show all these wonderful qualities in speech, love, conduct and faith over the internet, but many more don’t. 

The benefits to stay off FB outweighs the hate, rage and lies that are spilling out of so many hearts. I had more peace. However, I had less to blog about…haha! So many shocked me who shared something that showed what they value and what was really in their heart. FB really brings out what you harbor in your heart and mind. I had less anxiety. I had more time to devote to my business. FB is such a time waster.

My plan, is to show the people closest to me Biblical values of respectful speech, genuine love, proper conduct and exuberant faith. For me, the values I possess and want my kids to have starts in my home. I’ll keep blogging…that is part of my business and my God-given talent that I will use. And, I will evaluate what my kids SEE as my values verses what I SAY they are. Do these two align with you?

What are your talents? They can’t be bashing people on social media that think differently than you. It can’t be making others feel wrong about their choices based on your own experiences. It can’t be throwing stones. It can’t be showing how little faith you have with a pessimistic attitude. Your kids will only pass on what they see you doing and saying. 

This month the voters voted and the topic for my coaching business group is Mature UP: Speech, Love, Conduct and Faith; the topic of this blog post.
Come follow and Level Up.

Search: Christian Life Coach Connection and ask to join.

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